Thursday, September 1, 2011

Swimming in a Sea of Emotion

We live as babies, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary students through highschool graduates. Some then continue and complete four year college degrees.

And, some do not.

But, regardless of level of documented education, some continue to learn, to experience, to live life, the greatest valued teacher of all. Those fortunate enough to experience life will always embrace a different perspective and appreciate an unexplained value of life.

I truly believe my choices and lessons learned from my life experiences will guide me through this specific time of uncertainty. I accept this challenge to learn and am willing to be open to whatever it is my universe is wanting to teach me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fathers and Daughters

Parents and children as a title are generic to me. I identify with moms and sons, dads and daughters. Maybe it is simply nature, male/female connection, or Freudian teachings of the connection arising from a sexual instinct that have influenced my thoughts.

Mothers conceive the child and carry one for approximately 40 weeks and then give birth to an innocent life. That connection alone has created my belief that we, son or daughter, cannot escape our mom yet our dad is more detachable. 

At age 37, for me, I am feeling the complete opposite. Whether environment and upbringing contributed to the disconnect with my parents, all I know now is that it is my father that I cannot escape. The good, loving, genius part of him was passed on to me. I am much like him (and I am being gracious w/ the genius part).  Today, I am feeling joy about that.

Maybe for me, not escaping my mother has a different meaning than not escaping my father.

Maybe none of us ever escape our parents, much less one of them. 

My dad has been real, my dad has acknowledged my words and memories, my dad has apologized for any action that caused me pain, regardless of his intention.  I have two memories of my dad telling me something positive about myself. The first one was only about 4 years ago. He looked me in the eyes and told me I could do and be anything I wanted to be, that I had a greatness in me that I just hadn't tapped into yet. He believed I would find it and do something extraordinary and amazing. I still cry with happiness when I play it back in my mind.

The second memory happened just today. He told me how much he respected me and admired everything I have done to be where I am today. He said he never told me, though he thought about it, and wishes now that he had. He questioned what it must have been like for me to have never heard those words from him. I thanked him for telling me now. He said he respects and is proud that I have always stayed true to myself, followed my own path, had the courage to change course when my original plan wasn't working. He admired that financially I've made it work, and if I fell down, I simply got back up and kept moving.

Again, I cried. What is it about our father that we hold on to wanting and waiting for their approval, their words of praise, their acceptance...their love.

Today is the first day that I am very grateful I asked him to walk me down the aisle for my first marriage. The marriage didn't work, obviously, but the significance of having him walk me was a one time deal. At the time, I asked him b/c I never wanted to regret not asking.  I have never felt that I would have regretted NOT asking him...but today...I would have.

There is a new peace within me. A bit of innocence has returned. Remnants of resentment, anger, rejection, hurt, bitterness, confusion, insecurity have faded.   Don't drink the poison while waiting for the other person to die...forgive and be free.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Owning My Potential

It's fortunate that life will graciously remind me of previous lessons learned, like this one that I experienced almost four years ago:

Have you ever been in a room full of people and yet felt so completely alone, or in complete solitude and still felt the people you love most are right there with you?  State of mind, perception, how do I choose to feel about this moment ~ being reminded of these processes made me realize I had almost reverted back to letting what I do as a profession define who I am as a person instead of letting who I am define what I do in any capacity!  My path is always there, each day, to make of it whatever I want in that moment and time.  That is my purpose...to keep being my best self, to do what I know is good and kind, to believe!

"Whenever you follow your potential, you always become your best.  Whenever you go astray from the potential, you remain mediocre.  The whole society consists of mediocre people for the simple reason that nobody is what he was destined to be ~ he is something else."

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Got Gump(tion)

"The Kinds of Employees You Want to Hire: Those who are innately confident and self-directed routinely outperform co-workers, regardless of their backgrounds” was the status of a friend on Facebook a few days ago and after reading the linked article with its opening supporting statement being "There are two kinds of employees. Some believe they can make things happen, and the others believe that things happen to them. The first group believes that the outcome of their life and career is more or less in their own hands, and they wouldn't have it any other way. The other group takes more of a Forrest Gump approach: They sit around and wait for a bus to take them somewhere" it bothered me that the comparison to the 'other group' was Forrest Gump! I understand the attempt to make the analogy, but it was incorrect and in my opinion actually supported the 'first group'.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Wash Here Often Or Not Often Enough?

I visited a public restroom facility today that was relatively clean but peaked my awareness of how much of a breeding ground it was for harboring germs responsible for infecting employees and consumers with viral and bacterial illnesses also using this facility. Even if one followed the recommended steps to prevent contracting, spreading or leaving with any potentially harmful germ, it would be almost impossible if we consider how these are spread.